Pats Stuff Texans Into Locker


I don’t know why there was any doubt going into last night’s game.

Ok. That’s a lie. I get it. The Pats were down to their third string quarterback, had a receiver as their backup, and were squaring off against an allegedly great defense. The situation wasn’t the best.

But at some point, I think we should have realized that we’ve seen this movie before.

Every year the Texans play well for a stretch, gain some notoriety, then the Patriots kill them. It’s like clockwork, and last night, the time must have been right, because the Pats absolutely embarrassed the Texans.

A 27-0 loss hurts regardless, but a 27-0 loss to a team without their HOF quarterback and the third-stringer on the field has to be demoralizing.

There was no finesse offense run by the Pats. Instead, they lined up across from the Texans and just dominated them. Physically, mentally, and every other way.

The offensive line brought J.J. Watt, Jadeveon Clowney, and Vince Wilfork (sorry) behind the woodshed. Kept ’em quiet all night.

Jacoby Brissett rushed for 48YD & this TD.

LeGarrette Blount rushed for 104YD & 2TD, one of which drove the nail in the coffin.

Also, shoutout LG for always showing love to the Militia.


On the other side of the ball, the Pats’ defense treated Houston like little kids. Seriously, they didn’t let the Texans cross the fifty yardline until the 1:37 mark in the third quarter.

Lamar Miller didn’t do anything. He rushed for 80YD but at least 30 of those came in garbage time. The Pats made him a non-factor.

And they kept the $70M quarterback, Brock Osweiler at bay. Osweiler only threw for 196YD, 0TD, and 1INT courtesy of Jamie Collins.

Speaking of #91….


Before the season I said I thought Collins could make a run at DPOY. The guy is unreal. He stops the run, plays coverage, and just dominates games so easily. Not only did he record an INT and make that big hit, but he accounted for fourteen tackles and played far more snaps than any other linebacker with 71.

But Collins was just the masthead for an entire squad that dominated.

Along with putting the clamps on Osweiler and Miller, they only allowed DeAndre Hopkins and Will Fuller V to combine for seven receptions and 87 yards. That’s horrible for two guys expected to light the world on fire every time they step on the field.

And not to keep piling on Osweiler, but I’m pretty sure Jabaal Sheard owns quite a bit of his mental real estate after these two sacks.

So, that had to have been it, right? The Patriots couldn’t have ragdolled the Texans in any other way, right?


Just when they thought it was over, when they thought they couldn’t get stuffed any further into the locker, big bad Ryan Allen walked by and slammed the locker door shut. Pinned Houston behind the 13-YD line on 6/7 punts.


What a goddamn animal.

Go Pats.






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